![]() I could not escape this feeling of gnawing worthlessness and shame. ![]() Virgin.Ī few months later, I entered High School with eager anticipation that something would be different. ![]() I sat there staring into my cup of church coffee, blonde with creamer and sugar, having a silent epiphany that I couldn’t emote. Because I had had sex. It had not rang truer than that Sunday morning. What did I do? What could I do? I couldn’t say anything to anyone, I had to act normal, what would a normal kid do in this conversation? I looked around as my youth leader talked about intercourse, trying to describe it without too much detail, the ignorant looks on their faces. Other kids needed to know this stuff, they still had a choice, they still had a chance. So I sat there, like I did every time we talked about sex, a blank look on my face, big doe eyes, and a numb feeling overtaking my body. My family would die and it would be my fault. As a little girl, the large man who was attacking me throughout the week seemed capable of it. I wouldn’t let myself speak about it, I feared the threats and promises that were made if he had any inkling that others knew. I was sexually abused for two years as a child. My rapist told me that I needed to have sex, if I wouldn’t have it with him for practice, nobody would ever want to marry me. “Sex is a gift that you only get to give away once.”īut I sat there. And while many of my peers felt awkward talking about sex, some gawked at the idea of having sex, some felt that these concepts weren’t modern, others searched for loopholes. My youth leader stood in front of us and talked about a sacred covenant between a man and a woman that was blessed by God. I remember when my church youth group talked about sex. I was part of the “True Love Waits” generation. My prayer for you is that you lean into each blind corner with a look of thrill on your face and a sense of triumphant peace in your heart. If you try to resist and control, push your hands and feet against the walls to take the turn on your own time, it will be painful and you will end up taking the turn regardless. If you think too far ahead of the turn you’re on, you’ll be disappointed. That’s what I’m realizing a lot of life is about. I couldn’t figure out where to lean, what was next. When I chose the left, the first time I sat down to launch myself into the darkness, I wanted to get out before I even got in. So often had I climbed the stairs with the daring intent to climb into it. To the left of safety was the tube slide. I knew every turn, I knew the path well and could brace myself for each turn. The first one you go on, the open one, familiar, bright, open, boring I had been down too many time to really feel like I was living. Please follow our site to get the latest lyrics for all songs.The most important choice as a child was which waterslide to take. Or Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate and an Apple Partner, we earn from qualifying purchases Other Popular Songs: Trey Lewis - Shut the Door LocalFreek - Unhappiness. Get a drip of honey let me put it on your face, uhįind more lyrics at You can purchase their music thru Get a drip of honey, let me put it on your face Take your salary and leave it as a tip for any waiter Pull up in a ‘Rari, burn my tires while I zoom I can break the internet if I decide to leak my nudes, uh I’m in public with the Louis luggage just to get some food It’d take a leap of faith for you to jump in my DM’s ![]() He wanna shoot his shot at me, but can you hit the rim? Your life ain’t workin’ out, that’s why I gotta’ drop a gem Hopped on a jet, flight attendant, I don’t know her name I’m your type and on my life, this might be different, yeah Got that peach body, you a hottie and you more flame, uh #ss poppin’ pokin’ out tell ’em make it rain We gon’ link, tell my jeweller need another chain Hopped on a jet, flight attendant, I don’t know her name Got that peach body, you a hottie and you more flame, uh Hopped on a plane, Louis bag with the Louis frame
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